super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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