this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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