Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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