i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
