so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
