And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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