I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
