I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The struggles of a small town man whore
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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