You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
