every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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