dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
