yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
