if you like me you must not know who I am
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
