I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
