it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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