3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
