we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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