I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
