i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
