Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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