I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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