mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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