I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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