the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
