Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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