I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it was like eating out sand paper
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
