You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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