Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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