apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
