butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
