i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
