You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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