Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
