I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
