i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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