I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
