I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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