what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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