I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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