oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
