textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
