the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
