there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
