I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
