so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
