Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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