the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
