Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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