I want to walk on stilts...naked
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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