sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
