Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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